I wasn’t expecting much from The Thirst, which was probably a good thing. I didn’t really feel the “darkly humorous gore fest” that Netflix touted in their synopsis. It felt more like an 80’s “gallon drums of blood” type movie. Most of the humor fell flat or was non-existent. The dialog was boring. The characters were boring. I had a hard time really feeling anything for any of them other than annoyance. There’s no real plot to give away and the “twist ending” I’d seen others speak of didn’t seem like a twist to me. I was underwhelmed.

The premise that the two main characters were drug addicts that wound up with a blood addition probably should have had more of an impact on me than it did. I spent these trippy scenes wondering why a vampire would consider blood an addiction. They need blood to survive like we need food to survive. People can have a food addiction, but they can’t completely get rid of food from their lives. I waited for some new concept, some way not involving animal blood (since the cat they ate made them puke) for vampires to survive but there wasn’t one.

Synopsis:

From Netflix:
Clean and sober for the first time in years, Lisa (Clare Kramer) and Maxx (Matt Keeslar) are just beginning to get their lives together when they fall under the spell of the seductive Darius (Jeremy Sisto), the leader of a local vampire clan. Lured into his world, the couple soon finds a new addiction — blood — in this darkly humorous gore fest co-starring Adam Baldwin and featuring the music of Rasputina, Jack the Mad and more.

WTF Moments:

At about an hour in, you can see the empty blood tube across Maxx’s back fill up with blood before spraying from the victim’s neck. I don’t often see things like people walking in the background or the wires above something or when things change places that shouldn’t or other little foibles that happen in movies. This was no little foible and I don’t understand how this got through editing.

Every moment I asked myself, “Was I supposed to laugh there?”

Does the human body really hold that much blood?

She’s dead! Why is there still blood spurting from her neck like a fountain?

Redeeming Qualities:

Introduced a new concept that made me scratch my head for a moment.

Blood, blood, and more blood. Yes, it really was a good and a bad thing at the same time.

Vampires.

Last Words:

If you’re a vampire movie junkie like myself, it’s worth a watch. I’d say it’s in the middle of the pack as far as vampire movies go. It was pretty far from both the worst and best vampire movies I’ve seen.

If you’re a Buffy fan, Clare Kramer was Glory in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series. Tom Lenk (Andrew from the Buffy series) also makes an appearance.