This is the first movie I actually can’t comment much on. I didn’t make it passed the first five minutes. The movie looks like it’s shot with a camcorder and not ala The Blair Witch Project
or Paranormal Activity, but like an actual home movie. There was a light facing the camera that put the two half clothed teens on the couch in shadow. At one point, the girl turns on other lights in the room, also facing the camera, which does little to illuminate the scene.

That’s pretty much as far as I got.

Synopsis:

I don’t know, so here’s the synopsis from Netflix:

In this campy parody of 1980s slasher flicks, a group of teenagers get together in a creepy abandoned house to hold a séance, at which point they can’t help but get naked and begin dying gruesome, improbable deaths. Of course, everyone’s favorite horror archetypes are in play, including the busty blonde, the fearless jock, a pair of uber-dorks, and two pretty girls who like to make out … with each other.

WTF Moments:

Every moment of the five minutes I watched.

Redeeming Qualities:

Stupid Teenagers Must Die is the first movie that I can actually say I couldn’t watch. That counts for something, right?

Last Words:

I should have watched it and done a real review. It might have gotten better. I just couldn’t.

I followed the BTK case as it unfolded in 2004-2005 and I believed this movie would be too real for me to watch. However, for good or bad, there was little that actually brought back those memories in this movie aside from the performance of Kane Hodder. He was believable in the role of Dennis Rader. Aside from Kane Hodder (Friday the 13th), the acting was terrible.

I read reviews that stated how happy people were that the script writers stuck so well to the actual story of BTK. While I’m glad the names of the victims and exact circumstances of their deaths were left out of the film, I’m sorry to disagree with everyone. B.T.K. was very far from the actual story. The script writers had thirty years, minus the ten years he was silent, to work with. It felt like they grabbed a few facts and threw them into whatever story they wanted to tell and the story wasn’t a good one.

The sound left much to be desired as well.

Synopsis:

Inspired by the events surrounding the serial killer Dennis Rader, known by the moniker B.T.K. (bind, torture, kill).

WTF Moments:

Were those mountains I just saw in the plains of Wichita and Park City, Kansas? Really?

Wait, was that a palm tree?

Dennis Rader actually has a daughter and a son. Why was it changed to two daughters? Odd.

A hooker? And he couldn’t kill her? Maybe I missed something, but I don’t remember B.T.K. ever letting anyone live unless it was an accident (the man he shot that lived), he got impatient (the woman he waited on for hours who never came home), or the phone ringing (two kids he planned to kill, but left when the phone rang).

BTK didn’t kill anyone after 1991. He was planning to right before he was caught in 2005, but the movie makes it seem like he killed one person after another until he was caught. There could have been a very interesting story in there about the years between 1991 and 2005. Probably not the story most people would want to see though. I understand crunching 30 years into a short period of time in the movie for the sake of time and pacing, but it still disappoints me.

On Netflix, B.T.K. is listed as “inspired by actual events.” However, at the end of the movie the usual “this is a work of fiction and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is a coincidence” verbage can be seen. Seriously?

Redeeming Qualities:

The only real redeeming quality I could find was Kane Hodder.

Last Words:

I really felt like this movie had very little to do with B.T.K. and much more to do with making money off his name. Dennis Rader is the most “normal Joe” of the serial killers which could make for a very boring movie, but I still think there’s a lot there to work with and a decent film that’s closer to reality could be made. If that movie is ever made, I don’t think I could bring myself to watch it. Since I lived through this and followed what was going on, it makes me feel dirty. I devour serial killer movies, but those based on reality leave a bad taste in my mouth.

But I still watch them. I wonder what that says about me?

While searching for one or two star movies on Netflix to watch and review, I ran across Terror Inside. With 1.9 stars and starring Corey Feldman, I knew I had to give it a watch.

From the beginning I could tell this was a low budget, independent fare. There are some great low budget, indie movies out there, so I expected a decent B horror movie. What I got was a bad script with sometimes terrible dialog. Without the acting chops of Corey Feldman and Tanya Memme, this movie would have been difficult to watch. I hadn’t heard of Tanya Memme before, but she wasn’t bad. I’m going to be keeping an eye out for her.

Synopsis:

Soil samples taken from a small town lake and sent to a university for study contain a virus that causes people to abuse themselves, often in bloody ways.

WTF Moments:

The scientist has a grant to find an ancient virus in a soil sample, but he doesn’t use gloves when handling the soil?

Get a virus that makes you want to hurt yourself and it turns you into a goth. Hmmm.

She cut off her what?! OW… ow… ow! I cringed. I’m cringing again now. Ow.

Redeeming Qualities:

The plot has a “been there done that” feel to it, but I don’t believe I’ve actually seen it done.

I was a huge Corey Feldman fan as a teen and it was good to see him in something a little more recent that isn’t a reality show or a part two that should have been done years and years ago.

Last Words:

I feel like this movie, being as dialog heavy as it is, should take a note from the “show don’t tell” advice from writers. Don’t tell me three times how you feel, show me once and it will resonate. Showing doesn’t have to involve fancy special effects, either.

I’ve toyed with the idea of reviewing movies in the past, but several people pointed out that I like everything and I’m not critical enough to review movies. I’d have to agree actually. I can usually find redeeming qualities or at least some entertainment value in almost any movie.

So, I’ve decided to put my ability (some would say flaw) to the test. I’m going to scrape the bottom of the barrel on Netflix and find the lowest rated movies, watch them, then try to find some redeeming quality or something that entertained me. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be as easy as it sounds… or maybe it will be. Maybe I am just that easily amused.

I don’t know how often I’ll do this; just whenever the mood strikes me I suppose. I might even throw in my thoughts about higher rated movies here and there as well just to annoy the hyper critical.