Silence

The world is silent around her
The purple skies weep
As she bites into her skin
Sending needles of pain up her arm

She gnaws at her arm
Tearing away the flesh
And revealing a person
She doesn’t remember

Blood
Once drops of desire
Now flow freely
Across the cold, hard ground

She screams in pain
But the world is silent around her
Forgotten, lost
She screams alone

~Kryson

Invisible

She sits alone
In the corner of a dank, dark room
Rocking back and forth on her heels
She sighs, the pain too much to bare

Where are the times of yesterday
When words were pretty swirling colors
That entered her ears and enticed her brain

Where are the times of yesterday
When everything around her was bright
Beautiful
New

Now the grey walls surround her
Closing her in
Friendship, a distant memory
Words cut like a knife into her skin

Blood drips from her eyes
As she cries
But no one notices
Because she’s invisible

~Kryson

The shame from ages passed
encircles my life
my every thought and deed
Like a demon that cannot
be outrun
It engulfs me
and smothers my spirit
Carrying my shame
hiding it
concealing it from
those that care
I drive everyone away
afraid that someone
sometime
will see through my walls
will see my shame
and turn from me in disgust

~Kryson

Sitting in the window sill,
my face pressed against the cold, hard glass.
A drop of rain strikes the window
Mirroring a tear.
The two slowly descend.
The tear falls upon his face,
a picture,
The raindrop,
it’s shadow.

~Kryson

I’m at 5213 words so far, so I’m right on task. I’m working on getting ahead over the next few days. There will be several days around the holidays that I doubt I’m going to be able to write much, so I’m trying for a decent cushion here at the beginning.

I turned my Twitter updates back to daily since I won’t be posting as often, but might be tweeting a bit more. Last year, updating the blog with tweets during NaNo seemed to work pretty well.

Everything else is on hold for now. If you’re participating in NaNo, I’m Kryson if you’d like to buddy me. Write like the wind everyone and see you at the finish line!

Our world began in passion
and words of romantic intrusions
that never should have been spoken.
Once the words were uttered,
we so entered a desperate and dire
state of unrestricted love.
Mutual respect, kindness, and understanding
that I have never known before
were ours in abundance.
And love, a feeling I thought was dead in me,
returned to aide my shriveled, dying heart
back to life.

~Kryson

I love you, Shroud. Happy 12th Anniversary!

NaNoWriMo challenges participants to write 50,000 words during the month of November. This can seem like a daunting and time consuming task and when you have a house to run as well, it can seem almost impossible. With some preparation, you can make November run more smoothly.

I’ve looked at quite a few prep lists for NaNo and noticed that mine was a little different. I decided to share it in hopes it might help someone else. I know this is a little late. I’ll try to repost the revised version of this list a little earlier next year.

Plan all meals for the month of November. Make sure to keep #2 and #3 in mind while making your November menu and consider doing a search for quick meal ideas. I’ll try to post a few of my favorites during NaNo.

Freeze leftovers for easy meals in November. My Food Saver is one of my best friends all year round, but it’s particularly helpful for stocking up meals for November.

Dust off that crockpot. Your crockpot can be a time saver and is for more than just making roast. You can find a ton of crockpot recipes online and I’ll try to post a few of my favorites during NaNo.

Detail clean the house. I have spring-cleaning and then NaNo cleaning. If the house is freshly detailed, those quick room cleanups go even faster. Besides, a super clean house can make you feel more comfortable with putting things off for a day or two longer so you have more time to write.

Schedule blog posts. If you have a blog, write a few blog posts in October and schedule them to post in November to squeeze out a little more writing time.

Jot down notes or make an outline. While there are many people that can sit down to a blank screen and just start typing, I’m not always one of them. Faced with a deadline, I feel more comfortable with some kind of direction in mind.

Do any research needed ahead of time. Frantically researching while trying to finish NaNo can be a word count killer.

Fill out your calendar with appointments and obligations. Make note of these. What days are you not going to be able to write? If there are five days in November that you cannot see a way to fit writing in for whatever reason, adjust your daily word count accordingly and aim for that.

Let your friends and family know what you’re doing. They might scoff, but knowing ahead of time can ward off an explanation later. Listening to the scoffing while you’re doing NaNo not only takes time away from writing but could also damage your flow with negativity and drama you don’t need.

Make a playlist. A playlist of music that fits your genre or in some way fosters your creativity can help drown distraction and get you in the mood to write. Use headphones for best results.

For those of you participating this year, write like the wind! I’d love to hear/read how you’re doing so feel free to comment on a post or drop me an email.

Acceptance. In simple terms, accept who you are. If you are an artist, let yourself be an artist. People try to force you to “grow up,” to give up your dreams, to do whatever it is they think you should be doing while your inner artist is screaming. Don’t let people tell you that your dreams are wrong, bad, not worth pursuing. In the end, it’s your life and your happiness that’s at stake. Do, be, create and surround yourself with supportive people.

I’ve had to walk away from more than one situation and friendship because I was being told what to do with my life, but there’s another aspect to this. I’ve often tried to be what I’m not. Writing what I thought people wanted to read, forcing myself to start projects for the sole purpose of approval when it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. Doing things with my life that other people wanted me to do. It’s important to write and write what you’re itching to write. Placate the artist and it will let you write other things, like blog entries for example.

Back to simple. Write because you want to and what you want to. Allow yourself to suck. Don’t base your success on approval from others. Don’t base your success on a paycheck, size of a paycheck, or lack of a paycheck. Create and be rewarded by creating. If you’re in this to get rich, turn back now.

Lots of talk about movement and exercise. I agree that movement, getting out there and walking, running, horseback riding, and the like can help to break those blocks, solve plot problems, and be inspirational. I’ve come up with a storyline or two and solved a plot problem while walking, but I hadn’t thought much about it. The weather here doesn’t always lend to walking and being comfortable enough to free the mind. Sweating profusely and shivering uncontrollably do not do much for thinking anything other than, “Hot, hot, hot!” or “I’m turning into a momcicle!” I have to look for other ways to exercise or other places to walk. Maybe I’ll become a mall walker, but only if I can convince myself I have the self-control to not spend money while I’m there.

The last rhyming poem I ever wrote… I think you’ll be able to see why I stopped.

The Dance

Shackled and chained to my own fears
Drowning in the blood and tears
Trapped here by my own grace
Its hard to look you in the face

You words are kind and comforting
But each day I wind up wondering
Is there truth behind the words you say
Or do they carry me to die another day

The shackles and chains grow tighter
I can feel my head getting lighter
Searching desperately for a way out
I wish I was not filled with such doubt

The world around me ceases to exist
As it did when we first kissed
More than anything, I fear the pain ahead
So to this darkness around me I have wed

I cower from the love, the light
To the darkness I hold on tight
I do not wish for you to care
I am not a possession for you to wear

The silver-tongued demon that you are
You words still seem so far
Then, in front of me materializes a key
The key that could potentially set me free

Should I, dare I take the chance
Should I let you lead this dance
The dance of love, of life, and strife
Ending when you shove in the knife

Your words grow more deperate and longing
I begin to feel a sense of belonging
The change in your words makes me realize
The truth I have seen in your eyes

I believe you mean what you say
Your love is true, at least today
I use the key to set myself free
From the self-imposed hell I flee

Hoping that I am not too late
I come to you and face my fate
Although I believe I will be turned away
I decide hear what you have say

My fears resolved and with open arms
I give myself unto your charms
I turn my head downwards in shame
And I notice that you do the same

Unable to hide the love in my eyes
I turn my face upward to the weeping skies
Unbearable is the pain I feel
The skin on my face begins to peel

The face emerging, my true self
Hidden long ago on the back shelf
Love unrestricted, once deeply hidden
I offer to you for what you have given

Will you accept me, I cannot tell
But you have broken me free from hell
Once shackled and chained to my own fears
Now treading above the blood and tears

~Kryson

Dangers of the Trail and Workaholism presented more information on blocks and how we use them. Food, alcohol, drugs, work can all be used to further block ourselves. I can relate to using food and work as “excuses” or “blocks” to writing. More than once I have turned to food trying to escape from creation. Junk food clogs the brain, makes the gears turn more slowly if not stop altogether. Work is an easy escape. There’s always more work to do and if you can’t find any, a creative person can easily invent more.

Why make these excuses or use these blocks? As petty and insane as it sounds, if I actually create something I might have to show someone and face possible rejection or ridicule. While I know I can’t please everyone, one rejection holds more weight than ten approvals. It’s something many creatives suffer from. I know I’m not alone, but it feels very lonely. It’s hard not to take rejection personally, especially at first.

Creative droughts were discussed this week. I’ve gone through my fair share and I completely agree with the author that they do end. If you do nothing during the drought, it does take longer for the ideas to flow again like water.

Some suggestions to keep going –

• like The Artist’s Way suggests, do your morning pages (brain dump) every day. Keep writing something.
• Write something completely different. If you write horror books, write a children’s tale. Allow it to suck.
• Do something else creative: paint, draw, take photos.
• Partake of other’s creativity: visit an art museum, read a book, watch an indie movie, go to a musical/opera/play, find a new and interesting indie musician online.
• Talk to another creative. They often have stories about their own droughts and how they moved on.

Competition was another topic for the week. I’ve watched more than one friend, associate, acquaintance fly by me at the speed of light accomplishing more in a short period of time than I have in years. I’ve been jealous more times than I care to admit. That jealousy has caused me to waste more time and energy causing me to delay my own goals. Jealousy can be crippling and isn’t worth wasting time over. It’s easy to say, “Be happy for them and get back to your own work,” but actually doing it can be hard. When you start to get jealous, use that emotion to egg you on instead of letting it block you. “If they can do it, so can I!”  Again, easier said than done, but worth a try.