Dangers of the Trail and Workaholism presented more information on blocks and how we use them. Food, alcohol, drugs, work can all be used to further block ourselves. I can relate to using food and work as “excuses” or “blocks” to writing. More than once I have turned to food trying to escape from creation. Junk food clogs the brain, makes the gears turn more slowly if not stop altogether. Work is an easy escape. There’s always more work to do and if you can’t find any, a creative person can easily invent more.

Why make these excuses or use these blocks? As petty and insane as it sounds, if I actually create something I might have to show someone and face possible rejection or ridicule. While I know I can’t please everyone, one rejection holds more weight than ten approvals. It’s something many creatives suffer from. I know I’m not alone, but it feels very lonely. It’s hard not to take rejection personally, especially at first.

Creative droughts were discussed this week. I’ve gone through my fair share and I completely agree with the author that they do end. If you do nothing during the drought, it does take longer for the ideas to flow again like water.

Some suggestions to keep going –

• like The Artist’s Way suggests, do your morning pages (brain dump) every day. Keep writing something.
• Write something completely different. If you write horror books, write a children’s tale. Allow it to suck.
• Do something else creative: paint, draw, take photos.
• Partake of other’s creativity: visit an art museum, read a book, watch an indie movie, go to a musical/opera/play, find a new and interesting indie musician online.
• Talk to another creative. They often have stories about their own droughts and how they moved on.

Competition was another topic for the week. I’ve watched more than one friend, associate, acquaintance fly by me at the speed of light accomplishing more in a short period of time than I have in years. I’ve been jealous more times than I care to admit. That jealousy has caused me to waste more time and energy causing me to delay my own goals. Jealousy can be crippling and isn’t worth wasting time over. It’s easy to say, “Be happy for them and get back to your own work,” but actually doing it can be hard. When you start to get jealous, use that emotion to egg you on instead of letting it block you. “If they can do it, so can I!”  Again, easier said than done, but worth a try.

Time is something I struggle with every day. People that are exceptionally productive are a mystery to me and sometimes I believe they’re like Bigfoot; either rarely sighted or completely exaggerated. Mourning the lost time or time that I did not spend being creative when I should have can be devastating, distracting, and counterproductive.

I often feel like the years are slipping away and my goals get further and further out of reach. It’s like the dream where you’re running for the exit and it keeps getting further away no matter how long and hard you run. The truth of the matter is, I didn’t run long and hard. I took a nap in the middle of the hall. That nap cost me time that I can never get back and it’s hard to forgive myself for that.

In the text is the question, “Do you know how old I’ll be by the time I learn to play the piano?” and the answer given is, “The same age you will be if you don’t.” This is rather poignant. There’s really no reason to put off doing something creative. Neither age nor time constraints are a good excuse for putting off your dreams until a tomorrow that never comes. While I still argue the money factor to a degree, I do agree money is not usually a valid excuse either.

While this week was about time, I didn’t feel like the text really helped to identify immediate changes I could make like the introduction suggested. The tasks at the end of the week also didn’t feel like they were aimed at dealing with time. It’s a difficult subject and one that cannot be solved formulaically for every person, but some ideas or suggestions or time saving devices or time finding devices would have been a nice addition to this section.

I realize the check-ins have become more like a review of the section and my personal thoughts about what I learned rather than following the outline provided in The Artist’s Way, but I hope they are more useful. Reading about how many days I did my Brain Dump/Morning Pages and what I did for my Artist’s Date seemed to be boring and uninformative.

I did my brain dump pages five out of seven days. With school getting ready to start, everything was shoved to the back burner for several days.

I did manage to find time to do my artist date. I decided to try a craft and made candles this week, which caused me to realize something. When I do something, I do it in a big way. A few hour project, making candles, actually took several days. I couldn’t just make a few candles. I made dozens. I have the same problem with just about every facet of my life. I don’t cook for three. I cook for ten. I don’t do what needs to be done. I overdo what needs to be done. The same thing applies to writing. When I sit down to write, I’m not happy until I’ve written for hours and hours.

Doing these tasks for The Artist’s Way has brought this problem to light, while doing the daily writing, brain dump, has started to show me that I can accomplish something a little at a time. It’s hard to learn this lesson and then keep implementing it. Overdoing things is how I’ve lived for so long that it’s a hard thing to change.

I did my brain dump pages (morning pages) six out of the seven days this week. I was feeling awful one of the days and just couldn’t make myself do it. I found myself writing about such a variety of things that I can’t really pin down a pattern. I wrote about everything from projects I’m working on to personal issues to mundane matters. I think the brain dump pages are helping to free my mind a little. I’ve found myself both looking forward to writing them and running out of things to write about. We’ll see how it progresses.

For my artist’s date I tried to take a walk. I was going to take a camera and shoot some random pictures along the way, but I didn’t get very far before I started dying in the heat. Realizing I’d forgotten to bring some water with me, I decided to go back home. So, the artist’s date was a bust, but when I got home I started turning pictures I’d taken into backgrounds for the laptop, which was fun. I found a couple of pictures that started some creative juices flowing, so it worked out for the best. Taking a walk in the over 100 degree weather… not my brightest idea. I really felt like taking a walk though.

Some of the tasks we’re supposed to do for the week don’t seem that helpful, but I’m still doing them anyway. It’s possible I’m getting something out of them and don’t realize it. Still, listing things I enjoy doing and then doing one of those things takes away from time I could be spending writing and doing all the have-tos in my life.

Affirmations still feel fake and weird, but today I noticed less objections from my critic/censor. I felt more apathetic about it. Positive step or step towards ignoring it? I’m keeping an open mind.

I did my morning pages or “brain dump” pages as I call them every day. Morning pages (brain dump pages) is a tool used to get all of crap out of your head, making it easier to focus on your work. I’ve been exceptionally tired this week, which generally causes me to dump my brain anyway. I have no idea at this point if the brain dump pages are helpful as I’ve had two things happen afterwards; I either find myself dwelling on things I wrote about or the opposite, I let them stay on the page, freed from the torment of my own brain. Hopefully, the more I do it, the more the latter will occur.

Artist dates are periods of time where you do something for yourself, with yourself and your brain. For my artist’s date, I did something I’ve been putting off. I started working on CafePress again. I’ve put so many things ahead of CafePress I often forget about it. I felt like there were other things I should be doing, but it made me feel good to look through some of the better photos I’ve taken. I started wondering if I shouldn’t be doing more with photography. I’m not great, but I sometimes wonder if I could be a great photographer.

Affirmations are a positive statement of belief. In working with affirmations, you turn negative statements that others have said to you or you’ve said to yourself and turn them into positives, then read or say the positives every day. Working with affirmations just feels weird, awkward, and fake. Maybe I’ll feel differently after the twelve weeks are over, but trying to convince myself of something by reading it over and over just feels like I’m trying to self-brainwash. My inner censor or critic just kicks into higher and higher gear and I feel dirty afterwards. I’m not wired to accept brainwashing I guess, not even when it comes from myself.